


Emotional Constipation

by PrussiaSheiala



Series: Hidden Omega side stories [23]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alpha Jung Taekwoon | Leo, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Beta Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk, Beta Lee Hongbin, Lee Hongbin Centric, Lee Hongbin is emotionally constipated, M/M, Omega Cha Hakyeon | N, Omega Kim Wonshik | Ravi, Omega Lee Jaehwan | Ken, Omega Verse, Pack Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrussiaSheiala/pseuds/PrussiaSheiala
Summary: It was hard being the second youngest, a beta and emotionally constipated.Basically it was hard being Lee Hongbin.Hongbin accidentally hurts one of his pack members with his sharp words, and while everybody else forgives him, knowing he meant nothing with it, Hongbin can't forgive himself... so he pulls away, to emotionally constipated to really talk about what is wrong with him//Can be read as a standalone as a regular Omega verse story with pack dynamics
Relationships: Cha Hakyeon | N/Lee Hongbin, Cha Hakyeon/Han Sanghyuk/Jung Taekwoon/Kim Wonshik/Lee Hongbin/Lee Jaehwan, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Lee Hongbin, Jung Taekwoon | Leo/Lee Hongbin, Kim Wonshik | Ravi/Lee Hongbin, Lee Hongbin/Lee Jaehwan | Ken
Series: Hidden Omega side stories [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/714687
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	Emotional Constipation

**Author's Note:**

> With the announcement of Hongbin leaving Vixx, I am... I am not dealing with it very well, so... I am gonna write a few stories to really appreciate him, cause I love Hongbin very much.

Hongbin hadn’t meant for his words to hurt, god he would never want to hurt one of the 5 men he loved so much, but he wasn’t always good at realising the damage he could do with his sharp tongue.

It wasn’t a secret that he was emotionally constipated, that was a fact that even people outside of his pack knew very well. That was how he ended up hurting Wonshik to start with, “you are such a dumb omega at times.”

The context didn’t matter, it didn’t matter that Hongbin hadn’t been trying to hurt the older, it didn’t matter that he loved him. All that mattered was Wonshik hurt expression as he slammed the door to Hongbin’s streaming room, instantly realising what he had done he called out after the omega, but it was too late, what was done was done.

Luckily, they were adults and just a few hours later Taekwoon, their beloved pack alpha, forced them to sit down to talk through everything. Wonshik’s eyes were red, and he was still sniffling. Clearly, he had been crying, and all Hongbin could do was awkwardly look at the ground and mumble out how sorry he was. Cause he was sorry, fuck he was sorry. He had never wanted to hurt anybody, especially not Wonshik of all people, he loved the omega!

Still sniffling, Wonshik had explained why he had felt, so hurt, which was not surprising to Hongbin, all of them knew that the omega often struggled with his subgender. Sadly it was something fairly common for hard omega’s, and he didn’t like being called dumb cause people often stereotyped him as dumb cause he was tall and muscled.

He explained that he didn’t like to think that Hongbin thought those things about him since it was things he often thought about himself. They had made up, hugged and kissed and Hognbin had apologised more times than he could count, apologies that he meant.

He really did mean it, and he knew that Wonshik had forgiven him, he logically knew that it was over, they had moved on. That everything was okay, they were okay. Logically, when he wrapped his arms around Wonshik that night, holding the taller more muscled man to his chest as the older more or less collapsed into him after working too much, that he should feel like he always did.

That he was home.

Cause it was his home, his pack, his nest, everybody sleeping. One of the men he loved so much wrapped in his arms, feeling comfortable enough to just sleep, feeling safe enough in his arms.

Hongbin didn’t feel at home, he felt like an imposter, he felt he was putting himself in a position that he didn’t deserve to be in.

He had hurt Wonshik, and the omega had just forgiven him to early.

That was what pushed him to get up and leave the nest that cold January morning, at only 4 am, way earlier than they needed to get up. He didn’t manage to get a single second of sleep, and while he felt guilty for leaving Wonshik alone in the nest, the older omega was quick to adjust to the length of body heat from Hongbin by in his sleep worming himself over to Sanghyuk who was wrapped around Taekwoon like a big possessive burrito.

Instead of going to sleep, he went back to his streaming room where this feeling had started so many hours ago, booting up a Valorant match as he leaned back in his chair with closed eyes. He couldn’t stop that uncomfortable feeling in his chest. Instantly leaving the voice chat as soon as his matched booted up.

It wasn’t a feeling that Hongbin had never felt before, this uncomfortable grip in his chest where he questioned if he even belonged in the pack if he did more harm than good. He couldn’t help but wonder if his pack were just too forgiving if he was really needed.

All of them were so warm, so nice, and they were stuck with him, a grump who was about as good at expressing his feelings as he was at being patient. Would they ever have wanted to be with him if it wasn’t because of Vixx?

Would any of them ever have looked his way? Would they ever put up with him? His moods? His words? Yeah, he knew he was pretty, but he also knew that he had about as many spikes as a damn porcupine, he could get moody and hideaway to play video games. He would be awkward and push both Jaehwan and Hakyeon away when they would engage in PDA.

And sometimes his words would hurt his pack members, why would anybody put up with him? Honestly, Hongbin would dump himself if it was a possible option.

The worst part is that it wasn’t the first time he felt like this, they had talked about this, he knew that he was meant to go to one of them, so they could curve the bad thoughts before they became too much, so that they could help him.

They had talked about it, he knew what he was meant to do, but as he locked in Jett and slumped further down his chair, he didn’t feel that he could reach out to them. He didn’t feel that it was okay for him to do, he had hurt Wonshik, so why would he be the one to need help?

Hongbin couldn’t think about it, it was all too much, luckily if there was one thing he was good at it, then it was pushing everything away and just playing his games. Stretching out his fingers before placing them delicately on his mouse and keyboard, he quickly purchased his starting weapon and focused on the screen.

He might not feel he deserved his pack or any of their love, but he deserved this W very much, and he was gonna fight hard for it.

It wasn’t that Hongbin didn’t know that he was acting strangely, he was very aware of it, but he simply couldn’t stop it. He was pulling in on himself, refusing to be close any of his pack members. He couldn’t help but fear that he was gonna hurt them, and god he never wanted to hurt them.

That was all he did, he hurt people. 

He knew he needed help, he knew he needed somebody to snap him out of it, to hold him and tell him it was okay, but he was to damn emotionally constipated to know how to ask for what he needed.

Fuck.

Maybe this was that imposter symptom that people always talked about, he still at times felt like an imposter in Vixx, not just the pack, but in the group. He wasn’t the best singer, nor the best rapper or the best dancer, what even was he?

Yeah, they all said that Vixx weren’t Vixx without him and they needed him there, but did they really? Or were they just lying to make him feel better?

Hongbin banged his head against the door in their dressing room in frustration, the rest of Vixx was already in hair and makeup, but of course, Hongbin was late, cause that was just who he was, good for nothing, “Kong? Sweetie, you are gonna hurt yourself.”

A warm hand was placed on the back of his head, rubbing there with soft fingers. Hongbin almost purred, he had been pulling himself away from the rest of his group, so to have somebody… Hakyeon… finally, touch him again, made the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach settle, and he felt that he could finally breathe again, “I am okay.” Hongbin’s voice was quiet, and almost whisper, it was also a lie, fuck he was so far from okay.

Then Hakyeon removed his hand, every part of Hongbin’s body screaming for it to come back, to touch him, please oh god, touch him. He needed it so much, he had to fight to hold in a sob that was threatening to wreck his body.

“I don’t like it when you lie to me, I thought we agreed to not do that.” Hakyeon’s voice wasn’t cruel, it wasn’t hurt, nor angry. It was neutral and hesitant, pointing out a fact that they both knew “we love you.”

Hongbin almost answered what he wanted to which was ‘no you just fooled yourself into thinking you do, I am nothing, but an imposter, I tricked you into loving me, even tho I do nothing more than hurt all of you’. Instead, he said “I know.” it was meant to be a joke, a bad Star Wars joke. Hopefully, it would earn atleast a chuckle from his leader.

It didn’t, and as Hongbin turned around, he felt almost scorched as Hakyeon’s eyes quickly darted over all parts of his face, his expression no longer neutral “do you?”

Did he know that Hakyeon loved him? Well, he knew that Hakyeon thought he loved him, but that wasn’t the same was it?

He couldn’t look into the olders eyes, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much he wanted those arms wrapped around him. How he needed the older omega’s sweet scent to calm him down, he couldn’t give into it. Hongbin didn’t deserve it, cause all he did was hurt people.

He hadn’t even noticed he had closed his eyes, until Hakyeon’s hand, oh so soft, was lightly placed on his cheek, thumb rubbing over Hongbin’s always visible cheekbone “we will talk about it when we get home, are you okay to perform?”

Fuck, Hakyeon knew.

Part of Hongbin was happy, glad that somebody had noticed, that somebody was ready and willing to give him what he needed so desperately, another part, a much bigger part, was feeling awkward, hating to need his pack like this. Hating that they had to put up with him.

Hakyeon had a way of looking at Hongbin, a way of looking at all of them, that always made it run cold down Hongbin’s spine. It was a stare that sad ‘I can see what you are doing, and I am not impressed.’

It wasn’t even up for an argument, Hongbin knew this, they were gonna talk about it, no matter if he wanted to or not, all he could do was just nod. He was unable to look away from Hakyeon’s searching eyes, the kind fingers on his jaw had tightened, less kind and more strict as he held him still, “you are very loved, baby.”

This time Hongbin couldn’t hold back the full-body sob, and the tears that had been threatening to fall, starting gathering in his long lashes, before finally becoming too much and sliding down his cheeks.

Hongbin was having a full-on ugly crying meltdown, it was all just too much for him. He was physically exhausted from being unable to sleep, no way that he would ever be able to without his pack around him. He had tried to curl up in his gaming chair, but the poor thing was not made for sleeping in. He was emotionally exhausted from the work it took to stay away from his packmates, from coming up with excuses for why he wouldn’t join them, for everything.

It was all just too much.

Even him, emotionally constipated and all, had their limits. Hakyeon, god bless him, managed to catch him as he more or less collapsed into the omega’s arms. Arms strong from dancing, able to hold up Hongbin’s lith form without to much of an issue, pulling him close and tight clearly not trusting Hongbin to stand on his own, which yeah was probably a good idea. He didn’t trust himself either, his legs were feeling like jam, and it didn’t matter that he knew he had trained them, cause at that moment, they felt as weak as Bambi’s.

His head was pressed to Hakyeon’s solid chest, his heart beating steadily into Hongbin’s ear, which was exactly what he needed. The thumping of said heart was probably a bit quicker than what was healthy Hongbin noticed, but his brain felt full of cotton balls, and he was struggling to really put together his thoughts. It was as if his brain was not fully functioning, the next second, a hand was pressed over his ear to keep out all the sound that was trying to force its way into his brain.

Yeah, that was good, turned out it was exactly what he needed. It also turned out that it was not just done so he could listen to Hakyeon’s heartbeat as the next season the older yelled at “Taekwoon! Dressingroom! Now!” part of Hongbin felt a little bad for their pack alpha, another part of him reacted instantly to the idea of their alpha… his alpha coming.

“What is…” Taekwoon shut up the second he entered the room, Hongbin couldn’t see his expression from where he was being pressed into Hakyeon’s chest, his hands still desperately clawing at the older omega’s shirt “fuck, Yeon I am not putting him on stage like this, I don’t care what we are meant to do, he is not going on stage like this!”

This was an argument that was as old as time itself, well okay more like as old as the Vixx pack, Hakyeon was their group leader, he had to push them to succeed to be idols, Taekwoon was their pack leader, they were both responsible for Vixx, but in different ways and they didn’t always agree.

“I am not cruel Woonie!” Hakyeon’s voice was scolding, and also muted from where he was still holding his hand over Hongbin’s ear “but I need you to hold him while I plan how to get him home. I can’t get him to stop crying.” 

Was he crying? He hadn’t even noticed he was crying, fuck he really had just lost control of himself. Hongbin couldn’t even get himself to complain, Taekwoon’s scent of mocha was mixing so perfectly with Hakyeon’s scent of hazelnut. 

It made him feel safe, it made him feel loved. God he had missed them so much, he shouldn’t want to be with them, they deserved so much better, but he couldn’t stop himself, he loved them. They were his everything.

“I am sorry,” Taekwoon’s voice was so quiet, that Hongbin almost didn’t hear him, it was only cause Hakyeon removed his hand from Hongbin’s ear to instead hand him over to Taekwoon that the beta actually managed to notice what was going on.

His eyes quickly blinking looking at the alpha now holding him, brown eyes meeting brown eyes, Hongbin could see every spec of amber and different shades of brown in Taekwoon’s expressive eyes.

The alpha was like him, at times struggling to express their emotions, but the difference was that where Taekwoon had gotten better at it as the years passed on, Hongbin had gotten worse.

Large hands, rough from the hours spent in the boxing ring, cupped his cheeks, just like Hakyeon’s they were so hesitant and soft, treating him like he was the most precious thing in the world “we love you baby.”

Baby… sweetie… all these pet names, pet names he didn’t deserve. More tears flowing down his cheeks, and hiccups were starting to set in and snot flowing from his nostrils. Cause no matter how much a visual he was, Hongbin was an ugly crier. Something he knew very well, but he couldn’t stop himself “It… hurts.” pressing one of his shaking hands against his chest, the other against his forehead.

The world was starting to swim, vision blurring, why was it spinning? Taekwoon was saying something, but Hongbin couldn’t focus on it, he couldn’t get his brain to focus on anything, and the last words he thought before the world went black was ‘alpha has such pretty lips.’

When he woke up again, he was in a soft bed, multiple sets of arms going around him, and before his eyes could adjust to the dim light, his nose could pick up traces of the clean scent just after a storm, mixed with coconut and traces of sugary blood grape. 

He knew who was wrapped around him, he didn’t want to open his eyes, happy pretending to still be asleep so he could stay in the arms of these men that he loved so much.

Of course, that didn’t work out, the person who was wrapped about behind him, Sanghyuk, his brain supplied him with as information “I know you are awake, that is your fake sleeping breathing.”

It seemed that the maknae had woken up shortly before Hongbin as his voice was a few octaves deep than his regular speaking voice and rough from sleep.

“I am sorry,” Hongbin whispered, he still felt exhausted, he wasnøt even sure that he would be able to lift his limbs if he tried. Instead just let him be spooned from behind by Sanghyuk, with Jaehwan sleeping in front of him, head resting against Hongbin’s clavicle, Wonshik wrapped around the other omega with a protective hold on the older.

He didn’t know what else to say, he simply had no energy to cry more, all Hongbin could do was let himself relax between his pack members “I am sorry.”

Sanghyuk didn’t say anything, silence hanging thick and awkward in the room before the younger spoke up again “we are sorry,” there was something in his voice, regret, sadness and maybe even despair like he had committed some crime against Hongbin.

It settled heavy in Hongbin’s stomach, and all he could think was _‘great now you made them sad, are you proud of yourself?’_

“Actually fuck this, dumb alphas and dumb omegas, doesn’t understand anything.” Sanghyuk seemed more awake as he turned Hongbin around in his arms, almost waking up Jaehwan who whined in his sleep from losing his pillow “listen to me Hongbin.” he had no choice, but to look into Sanghyuk’s wide-open eyes as the younger beta grabbed his shoulders “we fucking love you, all of us so much, even when you do this, even when you overthink everything cause that is just who you are! We don’t love you in spite of your emotional constipation! We love you because of it! We love all of you, emotional constipation included! 

The rest don’t get it, they think that soft scents and everything will make you understand, they don’t get what it is to be a beta, we need words, so goddamn listen to my words now! We… Love... You! Nothing can change it, I would help you hide a damn body and take the fall for you if it was needed!

Sometimes your words are mean, and you hurt somebody, but we work through it cause we love you, it is no different than when anybody else says something dumb! And something your words are mean, and it’s hot, and then we fuck. 

So listen to me, there is no part of this!” he ran his hand from Hongbin’s thigh all the way up his body to his cheek, petting it for a second, before pushing two fingers against his forehead, in a move that Hongbin was 90% sure he had seen in Naruto “or this, that we don’t love! So deal with it, cause you are never getting rid of us, you are never escaping us, cause this is love!”

Hongbin was taken for words, but… he felt better, cause Sanghyuk was right. He had needed to hear that, he wasn’t like the omegas or alphas, he couldn’t rely on instinct, he had to rely on words.

“Hyuk…” Hongbin sounded as if he had just been punched, then again he had just been emotionally punched.

“Shut up and kiss me, I know you love us too. I will let you off the hook this time, next time you pull this, you aren’t leaving the nest for a week!” 

Now Hongbin wasn’t sure if that was a threat or a promise, and he wasn’t sure if he really cared as he reached over to press his lips against Sanghyuk’s. Their kiss first breaking as somebody curled up behind Hongbin again and soft pillowy lips mumbled against his shoulder “love you,” the words were mumbled, and sleepy, clearly poor Jaehwan was still half-sleep.

They loved him…

And maybe he deserved love.

**Author's Note:**

> I will write a few other stories in my 'Appreciate Hongbin' mood, hopefully, shorter and faster than this one
> 
> I also write books, for anybody interested, here:  
> [Omega Unchained](https://twitter.com/PrussiaSheiala/status/1226372589121044480)  
> [Omega Entangled](https://twitter.com/PrussiaSheiala/status/1267159675017011207)
> 
> Other ways to keep up with me:  
> [My writing twitter](https://twitter.com/PrussiaSheiala)  
> [ My Kpop YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv_HrTXOP68zP0ZtXASF1zw?view_as=subscriber)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/LadyPrussia)  
> 


End file.
